I don't understand mean people....I understand grumpy people....frustrated people.....annoyed people.....grouchy people and even rude people....but mean people...the kind that just vomit all over your day.....not so much.....
I had a woman approach me....an irrate woman approach me today because she was mad at my husband....my husband who is a volunteer coach for her son's sports team.....
......my husband wasn't even at the game today.....he tooks 150 youth into the city of Philly to serve, but due to him not calling her about a time change.....they missed most of the game......
I can completely understand her frustration.....I can completely understand her annoyance......but I'm not so sure that I understand the getting mad at the spectating wife part......
In a way, I am used to this.....or I should say I was used to this......because, you see, my husband is a pastor......so for many years in our ministry, people felt entitled to tell us exactly---how----they---felt!
I've always tried to keep distance between my husband and his job......if he would misplace a registration or get back from a trip late.....I would really try to direct annoyance and frustration to him....afterall....it's his job, not mine....there's really nothing that I can do about the bus coming back 45 minutes late from the water park.....chances are I was nursing an infant, dealing with a toddler or doing 3 loads of laundry....I was definitely not holding up the bus or even near the waterpark!
I guess that since we moved back to PA and he has a job at an AWESOME place, I've been a little out-of-practice dealing with mean people....so today was a complete shock to me....
As I tried to explain to this Mom that I (had no idea who she even was!) didn't know what she was talking about......that maybe she could talk to the person in charge of the program.......that I'm really sorry, but I just couldn't help her.....I was in no way prepared for her final, venemous blow....."You are just as rude as your husband!" she spit....
Wow....at the moment adrenline soared through my veins.....the injustice! But my ever-overappeasing-please-keep-the-peace nature went after her..."Ma-am" as I reached out to touch her arm.....truly I just wanted to explain to her that I am not able to do anything about this situation....
At this point....it nearly got violent....if she hadn't had a kid on her hip, I'm pretty sure that she would have decked me.....and I'm not sure what I would have done.....I've never been hit by or hit anyone, but at the moment, my body was shaking all over.....from the adrenline rush...from the injustice....and from the humiliation of her screaming, "Don't touch me!" over and over again....
At that point I did what any good mom would do.....I went..... and tattled....I got the director and said that he had a psycho mom in the corner of the gym that needed some attending to......
I took a deep breath....gathered my children.....and went to the car...... but I think that what truly shocked me more was my response when I got into my car.....I was amazed by the depth of mean-ness that was in me!
The things that I wanted to say back to her to hurt her....I wanted to inflict the same humiliation that she inflicted on me......did she not know that we spent the beginning of this very week in the hospital with my precious boy while he was stuggling to breath? Did she not know that I have no access to hubby's email at work to even get her a game schedule?
The sin monster......it just rages in all of us.....I want to think that I'm different from her, but I'm not.....if given the opportunity....(and I could be guarenteed a clean shot!)....I would have hit her back and spoken VERY mean words to her...I was M*A*D!!
The book of James talks about our mouths....He says in chapter 3, "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
Yep----I felt that today.....I was just waiting for my son to come over from the wrap-up of the game and planning to bolt out to the music store to grab books for one of my students and suddenly....flames! I could give a BIG "amen" to that one James!
Uh-oh....that one is hitting me in the heart because my thoughts weren't at all pleasing about this women and may have included an eensy weensy bit of cursing (in my head, don't tell my husband!) about her.....all while praise music is flowing through my car speakers.....
Ugh....I'm no better than her....sin rages in me, too.....my tongue can be just as mean and hurtful as hers....and it counts even if it's in my head!
There's just no way around the sin problem.....I can't fix it....I can't change it....I can't stop it....it exists in me......that's why I so desperately need something outside of me to fix it!
Today, I just wanted someone to step in...hold out an arm and say to this Mom...."Stop...you're wrong!" I wanted an advocate....a defender.....
Actually, I already have one...and His name is Jesus....except that He stands beside me and says.....Yes, Nikki...there is a problem, but these things are wrong in you, too, and I will be the one to take care of it.....
........in place of you.....
I can *so* totally sympathize with you. I worked in the banking industry for 5 years, and one bank employee, to some clients, is just as good as another. I got threatened, yelled at, cussed at, my job threatened...and I felt much like you did today. Not to mention other unfortunate situations :( I think it's human nature (however imperfect) to instinctively want to respond "in kind" to this sort of attack. It is *very* difficult to just...let it roll off of you. Hope you're feeling better :)
ReplyDeleteIt happens to all of us at some point in time. I work at a state university. Kids the same age as my own like to tell me, "I pay your job." Nice. Really? Well if so...you really need to step it up a notch. I haven't had a raise in 8 years! ((sigh)) I keep those commments to myself. -Karen
ReplyDeleteOh, Nikki. I am so sorry to hear that. You know the director did send an email out like almost 3 weeks ago about the time change. That is how I knew about it without calling anybody. Wrap this incident up to "what did I learn from this??" and move on. You are a terrific mom and I so appreciate your husband's willingness to act as our VOLUNTEER coach. The way she acted is in no way what this program is about either. Take care and know God is our refuge and strength. See you Friday.
ReplyDelete....that was an incredible post... first time visiting... first post I read... thanks for the wisdom...
ReplyDeleteps mean people suck... (but I know I've been mean at least once *sigh*)
I, too, am a first time visitor and can very well relate. I am amazed when people can keep it together (even if it's only on the outside). And YOU went a step further to try to help her understand! My parents have a MEAN and NASTY neighbor. She's MEAN to EVERYONE for no reason. One day when we'd rushed my dad to the doctor for something needing immediate attention, I had to park my car on their street in order to get their handicapped van out. When we got home, Ms. Meany told my mom to tell me NOT to park on the street anymore! Sorry - but I'd had it! I let her quickly know that we had an emergency AND the street was public property, and that I understood why everyone thought she was SO MEAN! Truly, I later felt bad and very un-Christian-like. But as far as I know....she hasn't given anyone a hard time in the last several months! Maybe she needed to hear it!
ReplyDeletePatty--wish I could contact you because we once had a "mean" neighbor get our car impounded! :) I went into preterm labor at 34 weeks so my husband parked his house in front of her house in a panic.....our baby was in the hospital for 9 days and we completely forgot about the car.....she called the police! :) She later became a dear friend, but it was a rough beginning to our friendship! Thanks for visiting and sharing your story!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time i have visited your site and was the first post i read. THANK YOU! These same things have been in my heart as of late. Without boring you with details, I am grateful beyond worlds for the perspective and sacred words you recalled to my mind. I am very excited to be called a follower of yours from now on!
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed reading your post about the mean mom, and like the others, this is my first time visiting your blog! lol (I came to your site because I really liked your square heart wreath. Beautiful!) So, I was looking around and the "mean people" title caught my eye. Of course, I knew it would be interesting! You really held my attention, we have all had those feelings at some time or another and I felt for you, and I was kinda hoping you'd say that you got the best of her, lol, and by telling this story on your blog, you kinda did. But I have to say that I was equally impressed and moved by your words from the Bible. We all need that lesson too, so thank you. I will be visiting routinely, you seem like a very interesting Christian woman and I love cheap crafts! Take care Nicole.
ReplyDeletegreat post! i'm sorry you had to deal with a mean person, but i love the wisdom you gained from it.
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