Scary Moment

We've been struggling with illness in our home and yesterday, we watched our older son go progressively downhill with his breathing......he was struggling with a case of croup that just went out-of-control.  By 9pm he just was not able to breathe....and he panicked.....(and I drove very fast to the ER)

......as soon as we walked into the ED (when did the ER change it's name?  Had to have been after the show ER went off the air!) a nurse took one look at my face and his and went to get oxygen.....thinking that he was having an asthma attack, things were still moving slowly at that point.....

......as we were checking in, the nurse realized that he wasn't asthmatic and things started to fly...

Within two minutes, he was in a room with 8 doctors, nurses, therapists and a crash cart....all I saw were big saucer-scared eyes looking at me for reassurance.....eyes that screamed "Mommy, I can't breathe"...

.....how do I hide from him that I am more scared than him because I am understanding some of the words the doctors are saying....intubation...breathe for him...push the epi....words you hear on a medical tv show are suddenly being said about my little boy....

It is in this moment that I am thankful for soft, calm, reassuring words.....words from people who know more....words from people who know that I am scared.....words from people who care about getting my boy well.....

I have been praying recently that God would help me to release my children into His hands....that I wouldn't hold so tightly to them, but realize that His love for them is beyond mine....He is testing that prayer......until last month we went 11 years with only 1 trip to the ER......we've had 2 in a span of 4 weeks

Last night I saw His love in action through others.....my love has limits...His love has none.....I can't control events, circumstances, life....but He holds it all together......

Last night I was powerless to help my little boy breathe, but I love a God who is able to place a nurse in a chair who so quickly recognized distress signs that she had a room full of doctors within minutes.....

More and more I need to trust that my children are His.....He has a deep love for them......deeper than even my own.......I need to trust that His goodness can be found in everything....

Many references in the Old Testament talk about God "abounding in love"...Nehemiah 9:17, Psalm 86:5, Psalm 103:8, Joel 2:13......I felt that last night...through that touch of a nurse's hand on my arm, the reassuring words of a Doctor, the peace of God filling my heart......He cares and even in the midst of trying and difficult situations...

....He's there....