January 24, 2011

Scary Moment

We've been struggling with illness in our home and yesterday, we watched our older son go progressively downhill with his breathing......he was struggling with a case of croup that just went out-of-control.  By 9pm he just was not able to breathe....and he panicked.....(and I drove very fast to the ER)

......as soon as we walked into the ED (when did the ER change it's name?  Had to have been after the show ER went off the air!) a nurse took one look at my face and his and went to get oxygen.....thinking that he was having an asthma attack, things were still moving slowly at that point.....

......as we were checking in, the nurse realized that he wasn't asthmatic and things started to fly...

Within two minutes, he was in a room with 8 doctors, nurses, therapists and a crash cart....all I saw were big saucer-scared eyes looking at me for reassurance.....eyes that screamed "Mommy, I can't breathe"...

.....how do I hide from him that I am more scared than him because I am understanding some of the words the doctors are saying....intubation...breathe for him...push the epi....words you hear on a medical tv show are suddenly being said about my little boy....

It is in this moment that I am thankful for soft, calm, reassuring words.....words from people who know more....words from people who know that I am scared.....words from people who care about getting my boy well.....

I have been praying recently that God would help me to release my children into His hands....that I wouldn't hold so tightly to them, but realize that His love for them is beyond mine....He is testing that prayer......until last month we went 11 years with only 1 trip to the ER......we've had 2 in a span of 4 weeks

Last night I saw His love in action through others.....my love has limits...His love has none.....I can't control events, circumstances, life....but He holds it all together......

Last night I was powerless to help my little boy breathe, but I love a God who is able to place a nurse in a chair who so quickly recognized distress signs that she had a room full of doctors within minutes.....

More and more I need to trust that my children are His.....He has a deep love for them......deeper than even my own.......I need to trust that His goodness can be found in everything....

Many references in the Old Testament talk about God "abounding in love"...Nehemiah 9:17, Psalm 86:5, Psalm 103:8, Joel 2:13......I felt that last night...through that touch of a nurse's hand on my arm, the reassuring words of a Doctor, the peace of God filling my heart......He cares and even in the midst of trying and difficult situations...

....He's there....

5 comments:

angie said...

so scary!!! last year we had to go to the ER by ambulance when my son had a febrile seizure & was unresponsive....scary but there was an amazing peace! praying your son gets back to 100% soon!
ps....saw your cupboard door picture frames were on TT&J!! yay you!!!

Nom de Plume said...

I jumped over here because I saw your guest post on TDC. I read one post after another and 30 minutes later, I'm hooked! I can't wait to make my own candle. :)

I lost my son a year and a half ago and so this post had me in tears. I truly hope your son is okay (or will be). I shouldn't presume to speak for all your readers, but I will be on the edge of my seat waiting for an update. Until then, you'll be in my prayers.

**I contribute to a book review blog, hence the Pen Name. My real name is Jenny and if you find yourself bored and wanting to learn a little more about me you can check me out at jenny.thehammockfamily.com

Christine said...

coming over from TDC. hopefully your son is okay! I did this to my mom, I had frequent croup as a child. I was rushed to the ER when I was 3 because I stopped breathing altogether (bronchitis). That was 38 years ago now.
@Jenny in the comment above mine, I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.

Jessica @ Take Two Designs said...

visiting from TDC. I have been looking through your posts, and I am feeling inspired! :)

I totally understand about learning to trust that God will take care of our children. I have a 3 year old son that had staph infection that started out as diaper rash from some medication a year ago this month. He was in so much pain he didn't want to sit or walk and I couldn't do anything about it. (He was only 2 at the time.) It was then that as much as I wanted him to get better, that God wanted even more for him to be better, because it broke His heart that His child was hurting. It was so comforting to my heart to feel God's love and reassurance during that time. Praise the Lord, we have not been back to the doc since then! (And my son is 3!) He also has asthma and we dealt with that when he was 2 also.

I look forward to reading all that you post! God bless you and your family!!

Nicole~ said...

God is Great!

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